The Fashion Comeback No One is Waiting for

Apr 17

Apr 17 The Fashion Comeback No One is Waiting for

Yes, the warmer weather is returning, but I hope we can all agree that one thing will not be returning: cargo shorts. I was honestly baffled yesterday when I walked into a retail store on the Rush street shopping district to see mannikins dressed in cargo shorts. I was under the impression that we had left cargo shorts in the 2000s. Then, when these dreadful shorts continued into the 2010s, I thought for sure we would leave them in the last decade. So tell me why I am seeing cargo shorts advertised on a number of websites and in stores that I thought would have known better in 2020! I’m not sure if it’s the people who typically wear cargo shorts or the actual fit of the shorts themselves that is so unflattering, so let’s start there: the fit.

Any pair of shorts that a male wears should not cover his knees, period. I’m not quite sure that I have ever seen a pair of cargo shorts that do not cover the knees, and come to think of it, I don’t think they exist. Consider this: how can a short meant to have many pockets be cut above the knees? There would be no room for the many pockets needed for carrying all the cargo that a male must carry (maybe a phone and wallet a most?). The shorts also tend to flare out and present a rather unflattering appearance.

Besides, how much stuff do men really have to carry? Definitely not enough stuff to merit the number of pockets on these dreaded shorts. If you really have that many things to carry on your bottom half, consider getting a bag. Also, I cannot imagine how uncomfortable it would be to have every single pocket filled in these shorts. Your supposed cargo certainly would weigh down the shorts, making it uncomfortable and even more unflattering when the shorts start to slide.

Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before; image via

Okay, so even after understanding the fashion crime of wearing cargo shorts, you’re still looking for a pair? Well, must you wear a pair, I have included only a few that could be considered acceptable, but only a few.

I can get behind these shorts. They’re not long; they don’t cover the knee, and there aren’t ten pockets. Get these from the J.Crew.

So, while none of us is probably the most avid of fishers, these “fishing” shorts from L.L. Bean also defy the aforementioned criteria of cargo shorts. They’re short. They don’t cover the knee, and they don’t have ten pockets.

Again, these cargo shorts defy the typical, so they’re acceptable. The only downside is that these “cargo” shorts are $210 from Acne Studios.

The coming months will bring sunshine and warmth, so feel free to try many new styles to welcome spring time, minus cargo shorts. I can personally help you find another clothing item, should you feel the need to get some. Don’t believe me? Tell me the last time someone said “hey! nice cargo shorts!”

Cover gif via