The Darkness of Aging

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The other day I was doing my hair and thought of experimenting a bit. I thought of maybe doing some space buns since I used to do that style a lot and kind of missed it. But then I stopped myself, thinking that I didn’t want to look childish or immature or just out of place, so I just went with my usual style- a simple blow-dry, parted in the middle. As I was walking back home from running my errands, I found myself thinking, “Why didn’t I do my space buns?” and not only that but “Why do I feel like all the cute hairstyles I want to do are too ‘childish’?” These questions quickly evolved into something more introspective: “Why do styles get so boring as you age?” Think about it; a typical outfit in a professional, corporate environment is mostly either black, gray, or navy, makeup and hair are often in more conservative styles, and shoes and bags are muted beiges and blacks. When people over a certain age are told to “dress their age,” it usually refers to dressing in more muted or darker colors, in other words, less “fun.”

I was not super familiar with this phenomenon until recently; growing up, it seemed that the older you were, the brighter your outfits were. My great-grandmother hated wearing black or neutral colors, and she was always dressed in bright, eye-catching colors and prints, with bold accessories and bright pink lipstick to match. My grandmother dresses similarly, always wearing bold color-coordinated outfits with matching prints, nice accessories, and her signature shiny red lipstick. Wearing darker colors seemed more for the teenagers and young adults in the family. I recall that my mom would tell me stories about how my great-grandmother would comment that the clothes in her closet were so dark when she was younger.

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Then I noticed that my experience was an outlier. I began to perceive that I second-guessed wearing certain hairstyles to avoid looking childish or, God forbid, immature, but who decided that certain hairstyles were this way? Why can’t a lawyer wear a pink tweed suit and a crown braid to court? Why can’t an investment banker wear space buns and some bright red shoes? Why is it “embarrassing” for a forty-year-old engineer to have rose-gold luggage? I’m not saying dress codes are a bad thing since there still needs to be a certain image of professionalism, but why does that have to mean sacrificing some creativity and fun? Dress codes, in my opinion, should serve as a guiding force rather than an oppressive one that crushes individuality. I personally don’t think there’s anything more professional about the colors black and navy than the colors pink and red.

Furthermore, this “dull/darkness” phenomenon is not strictly relegated to adult fashion but also adult television. Shows that are viewed as “mature” and “intellectual,” in my experience, are usually dark, both literally and figuratively. The lighting and clothes the people wear are muted, gray, and quite frankly, depressing, the storylines are often about the darkness of humanity, and the endings are bleak or just… kind of there. Why is this? Why does age have to be associated with darkness and a lack of fun and brightness? People will say, “oh, that’s reality” or something about how when you grow up, you’ll understand, but what does that even mean? Why does our society have such a pessimistic, negative view of aging? Why does getting older have to mean getting boring? Is this a generational thing?

I certainly don’t understand it or see it that way; I’ve always viewed growing up as something to look forward to because I felt like I would have more freedom to do things that I would enjoy, such as travel or learn a new skill or fall in love, which you can’t fully do as a child who needs to go to school and depend on your parents. I also thought growing up would give me new wisdom to share with the next generation, which is something I look forward to since I often rely on the wisdom of generations before me, like my parents and grandparents. I wanted to grow up because I viewed it as an adventure. I feel like that is what growing up is supposed to be—an adventure. And if adventures are supposed to be fun, why can’t we dress like it?

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