The Guilted Age: Catholic Guilt and its Impact on My Relationship With Fashion

According to the first sentence on the Wikipedia page on the subject, Catholic Guilt is defined as “The reported excess guilt felt by Catholics and lapsed Catholics”. I had not heard of this term before coming to college, but quickly realized that this was something I had felt all of my life, although I did not have a name for it. I felt this guilt around my thoughts, my actions - such as going out or buying things - but I most profoundly felt this guilt in my relationship with fashion.

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I went to Catholic school pretty much all of my life, and my family went to mass almost every Sunday, so I was pretty well-acquainted with Catholic teachings. The one that I was most intimately acquainted with was the teaching of the Seven Deadly Sins: wrath, sloth, pride, gluttony, envy, lust, and greed. Twice a year we would go to Confession, and we had sheets that asked questions about how we have sinned in order to examine our conscience. I always found myself, and still do find myself especially worried about the sin of greed.

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If you know me, or even if you don’t know me, it is no secret that I like nice things and greatly enjoy shopping. I love fashion and grew up seeing my mom being able to treat herself, and she always told me that there was nothing wrong with it as long as you are not going into debt and that you are using your own money that you worked for, so this guilt was not something that came from my home life but rather what was outside at school and at mass. Every time I made a fashion purchase, especially a larger one, I found myself wracked with guilt and anxiety afterwards. I felt like some frivolous, greedy Veruca Salt; I had so many clothes and shoes, why was I buying another dress? Was this spending on fashion that wanted but didn’t necessarily need compatible with being a good Catholic? Did this make me a sinner and was it corrupting my soul?

This is something that I still struggle with. My parents and priests that I have spoken to, whether in Confession or at my family’s dining table, have all reassured me that as long as I am not harming anyone or stealing and am still doing good work and praying and going to mass, I should not worry, since it is normal to have things and to buy thing. However, it still remains hard for me to not be overcome with guilt when I buy yet another Nap Dress.

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Another way in which my Catholic Guilt has affected my relationship with fashion is in the concept of modesty and what I wear. Once again, my parents never made me feel this way; my mom encouraged me to show more skin if I wanted to and they always emphasized that what someone wears does not indicate the amount of respect they should receive or the kind of treatment they should get. This came from school and from the Church; I remember arbitrary dress codes (what does wearing nail polish or jewelry have to do with how effectively I can love Jesus Christ?), a teacher making a comment on the fact that I was wearing leggings for a no uniform day in middle school, and I remember having to send photos to get my prom and formal dresses approved for wearing to my high school dances, with the justification that “you want to send the right message about yourself”. So, I tend to dress pretty conservatively, which is not to say I dislike what I wear (I actually feel quite comfortable and happy in my outfits), but I sometimes wonder what I would wear if I did not have that guilt. Whenever I wear something more “age-appropriate” like a crop top or a dress that is tight to my body, or something that shows a bit of cleavage or leg, yes, I like what I am wearing other wise I would not be wearing it, but I also feel a little guilty and anxious and wonder what people will think of me. I think of growing up and being told that certain outfits make a woman look “easy” or that no one will think she is smart or a good Catholic girl if she dresses that way, and wonder if this is how people will perceive me when I wear a V-neck shirt. Once again, my parents reassure me that I am fine, and that what I wear does not impact how good of a Catholic I am, and my mom encourages me to dress that way more often since I am young, but I cannot shake this feeling of guilt and shame.

Although I don’t have all of the answers on what can be done to not feel so guilty when buying things or wearing certain outfits, I have found that acknowledging what is making me feel that way and understanding what it is has helped me reconcile the guilt with what I want to wear and do, and explain to myself that although I feel guilty, I do not not need to.

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